- Lauren: *texting*
- Kauri: Who are you texting so feverishly?
- Lauren: What? Sophie Verishly?
- Kauri: oh, I don't know her?
A quick compilation of some of my very favorite creatures
Something I wrote I was thirteen. Good advice though, don’t you think? You can tell I was thirteen because I wrote my name all over it.
· No more bacon bits commercials
· Chinese Cresteds could no longer be called “dogs”
· Headlines: “Seeing eye cats cause complete chaos”
· Would rain only cats
· Throw a stick. Go and get it.
· Snuggle with no one
· Question the existence of unconditional love
· Bark at your own mailman
· Be that guy: walk your cat
· No more happiness
· No more meaning to life
· The ancient Egyptians would have to worship a real animal
· No more meow mix commercials
· Would rain only dogs
· Increased internet productivity due to decreased lolcats
· The “cat people” would no longer be managed
· Increased survival rate for smelly household hamsters
· Due to uninhibited population growth, “the birds” becomes a reality
· Would have to hire someone to bring you dead animals
· You can’t haz cheeseburger
My family is cleaning out some clutter in the house and I found this is one of their junk piles.
If this fairy operates anything like the tooth fairy, she takes your boobs and gives you money. No thanks breast fairy, I’m good. Money can’t buy you happiness, but I’m pretty sure boobs can. Boobs are great.
Also… Does she have a big bag of boobs?
I want to cuddle, sometimes I’m lonely, and sometimes I miss kisses, but does that mean I should go out and find just any reasonably suitable person to fill that for me? Should I date the next person that finds me decent? No.
Next time I have someone significant in my life, I want it to be because they are incredible, I want to date because I found an amazing person deserving of my love, not because I feel that I need just “someone”. That wouldn’t be fair to them or me, and frankly, I think that would be a damn shame and a waste.
I feel like dating for the sake of having “someone” is unfortunate. I love being independent, I love my friends, my house, my dog, my family, my school, and I do not need another person in my life to complete it. If I have a relationship with someone, I want it to be because they are an incredible and unique, and because we have something special.
Hold out guys, don’t settle, love yourselves, and it will all work out I promise